He told me last night that he was wrong, his timing was wrong, he made mistakes, he mismanaged, he put too much on me, he never should have required all this of me. Now, he's ready to do whatever he has to do to fix this - even sell the house.

Uh, no. We will not be selling this house. The only statement I made against everything he had to say was, "no, we will not be selling this house." He says, "you need to get your priorities straight. It's just a house."

No, it isn't just a house.

First, it's family land. This land was bought by my grandfather in the late 1920's and parsed out acre by acre to his children. My father has paid taxes on this land since the death of his mother - aged 104 - in 1986. My father gave us half of his acre + so that we could build a sensible home for our baby-on-the-way and live on one income so that our children would have the benefit of a stay-at-home mom.

Second, this house represents the culmination of a plan. A really good, livable plan. Sell the pricy fixer-upper we'd renovated in Mt. Brook (posh neighborhood, best school systems), and move into a home that we constructed (and contracted) at a very low price. Live on Monty's income.

Monty started a new job when we moved in at a very low yearly salary. I bought books with birthday money from Mom about how to live on a budget, how to be thrifty, "Living on one income in a two-income economy." I had also watched my parents and aunt and grandmother live frugally my whole life. (I had also rebelled against that in my youth, and swore I'd never live THAT way!)

However, it was a GREAT challenge, and became kind of FUN. Monty and I were a team. Mom and Dad and my Auntie encouraged me and tutored me about how to do this and that to save money and live differently. This "different" word was very attractive. It was sort of counterculture!! This I could REALLY latch onto and run with!

Monty and I decided that we would be like Ma and Pa Ingles on Little House on the Prairie. We were a team. We would do it together, do it our way, be different from everyone we knew. We'd have a housefull of children and raise them in this "team" concept. "Cheaper by the Dozen" held a special attraction for us!

The first year of my staying home, our income went to one-third of the previous year. My sales job had been fairly lucrative. We MADE it! It was hard, and scary sometimes, but we knew how much we had and learned how to make it work. We were almost completely out of debt.

Things weren't perfect, but we were together. By the time baby #3 was on the way, we were in debt a bit, and our budget needed about $300 per month extra to cover us. I was able to go to work part time writing and editing for a couple of months until the baby was born. It was FUN, and rewarding, and stopped when the baby was born.

Then Monty's salary increased dramatically, but he was required to travel, occasionally at first, then 2 - 3 days every week, then trips lasting 2 weeks or more! With small children, and a needy wife at home, this was just horrible! Thus, a change had to be made. Instead of refusing to travel, or maybe finding another job, the entrepreneurial thing was chosen.

This house was refinanced to fund the dream. The rest is in yesterday's post.

No, we will not sell this house as penance. This house will not be the ransom. We are hear as part of a plan that we should return to QUICKLY, not abandon.

He says I won't be led. I say, "look what happens when I'm led!" He says, "what's so bad? You've got me, the children, the house. What's so bad?"

Fear. That's so bad. Fear that I am simply at the end of a rope dangling a hundred feet above the ground and that I'd almost rather let go than hang on. And my hands are bleeding and sore.